I long to be my own person... to have my own space and to live by my rules. I don't think I will feel truly adult until this happens, which at 25 is probably a sad thing to say or feel.

Three of my close friends have contacted me recently, which was nice because I missed them. I feel like this year has just rushed by so fast and I have been kind of stuck in a time warp with a dopey look on my face. I can't believe I am half way through my twenties and have achieved so little. I feel quite down about it, which is probably really bad in a self-pitying way, but it just amazes me at how my life has gone... in totally the opposite direction to what I thought it would!

The worst part is that I cannot imagine my life being any other way... I used to live in this optimistic dream world, where I felt safe and contented with the idea that 'at some point my life will not be like this... it will get better'. Then as the years have gone on and things have gotten progressively worse and messier, my strange dreamy beliefs have just eroded to leave the fragile feeling that I am experiencing now.

Financially things are a little better for me at the moment, although I have another massive phone bill to pay next month. I even managed to buy 2 books from BOL without feeling guilty. It's my father's 60th birthday next month so I need to save some money to buy him a present or contribute towards whatever my family gets him.

I still have to clean the upstairs of the house, make a bed, put things away, fold up linen... just a ton of boring jobs that I would rather not do as I feel exhausted and in a lot of pain. Grrrrrrr....