I am trying to catch up on things... update my diary and just catch up with everyone's news. Days seem to blend together and become weeks and the weeks become months and before I know it, summer has gone and winter will be here.

Things are ok. Unfortunately I am still suffering quite badly with my health problem and the events of the past couple of months have made them a bit worse really. It's hard to accept that sometimes you make yourself sicker without even meaning to, but then things happen that you have no control over so it's not like you mean to do that... you just have to deal with what is thrown at you in life and sometimes that doesn't end up being the best thing for your health status... or certainly that is the case for me...

So I have cut down on the amount that I am doing and I am trying to rest more; this is one of the reasons I am at home at the moment doing this. I am spending more time lounging around and less time dressed in day-clothes... which is always a sign because I spent so much of my life in night-clothes when it's the daytime... sometimes I had or have more nightwear than daywear!

The main effort in the past couple of months has been helping my other half to sort his life out!! I never thought that I would be doing that for someone else because my life was hardly sorted out. He has to move out of his place at the end of this month, so the main focus now is finding somewhere new for him to live at.. it's not a long term thing as he is planning on moving to the UAE, which is good because at least that means I don't have to suffer another freezing cold winter inshallah! I never had to find places to live... so this is a learning curve for me. I feel like I am growing up a lot because of all the situations that are being flung at me. I am not so sure I want to grow up. I rather like living in my little bubble.

My friend had knee surgery two Mondays ago so I called her to have a chat as I knew she would be bored. It was so cool to talk to her again as she has been doing her final year of uni and had no time to schmooze with me, but now she has graduated and is freeee... well as free as you can be when you have a dodgy knee. Then my old school friend emailed me to go to lunch on Friday, which is nice because she comes and picks me up from my house and we always have a good chat about men and the crapness of life.

Things with my parents are at a fairly stable level at the moment. I guess nothing will ever be the same as it used to be because they lost some feeling for me... maybe trust or something, but they see me as different to how they used to - that's how I feel. I guess I appear like more of an adult to them now because I made my own choices and my own decisions and had to cope with situations for myself. It's strange because I didn't realise that growing up meant branching out in this way... that you will have to make choices that don't fit with your parents view of what is right or correct to do and that it is very hard if you have been brought up strictly and with great respect for them. My respect has gone down in some ways because I realise now that there is no way I can ever live up to my father's expectations of me or what he thinks is the correct thing to do in life. I realise that his views are quite extreme and that at the end of the day I have to do what makes 'me' happy and do what I can at the time. I am not the sort of person who wants to spend the rest of her life wondering... what if? I don't really care as much as I used to, which is also good I think. I want them to be happy and to feel content, not only with me and my choices but in their own life too... there comes a point where you realise that you are not responsible for the happiness of the other members of your family... for example, I never felt responsible for my sister's happiness, but for some reason I always felt responsible for ensuring that my parents - especially my mother - were happy. Now I realise that the problems and issues that my parents have in life, are nothing to do with me and are not up to me to be a part of or try to help to solve... just as my problems are my responsibility and in the long run... we make what we will of life and we make our own happiness... other people cannot make it for us.

So yeah... sorry this is very rambling... but that's where I am at right now.