Plans and Changes
I started this year with an attempt to formulate a new outlook on life. So much of the past few years has been spent focusing on others instead of focusing primarily on myself. I find it so hard to devote time to myself. I feel so exhausted when I do get some time to myself that I use this as a reason to not even try or bother. There are many people who depend on me for various things, especially members of my close family. I understand now that they are unaware that they do rely on me and that they do not do it intentionally; so often I would feel resentful of their reliance on me. Somehow I have to grow immune to the feelings of guilt and pressure, which suffocate me and prevent me from formulating my dreams and desires for the future.
I realised a while ago that I need to make many changes in my life. We all need to set long-term and short-term goals in order to structure our lives and to motivate us to look towards the future. This past couple of weeks I have made many changes in my life. I have faced up to facts and situations that I didn't want to face or acknowledge. I have set myself goals for the future and I have decided that I can achieve so many of the things that I want to achieve if only I don't allow myself to be shrouded in fear and worry.
It's hard to make changes and it's even harder to admit that you made mistakes in the past. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, which prevents me from realising my full potential because I very often am stuck in the past wishing that I could do things better or wishing that I made a different choice or decision to the one that I made. Hindsight is a powerful thing! The changes I am making sometimes fill me with fear or dread, but I know that once I get past those doubtful feelings I will manage to do the things I wanted to do.
Here are some of the changes I have made:
1. Made an effort to research PCOS and acknowledge the damaging effect it was/is having on my life (aside from the M.E.) & joined a PCOS forum.
2. Overhauled and changed my diet and way of eating into an IR (Insulin Resistant)/PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) friendly diet.
3. Started exercising daily (with careful monitoring of the M.E. situation).
4. Changed my attitude towards my medications and come off the BCP (Birth Control Pill, which I was taking for hormones not contraception).
5. Taken control of my medication so that I am now taking all natural remedies including: PCOS Essence, Saw Palmetto, Agnus Castus, Dr. Rath vitamin and immunocell tablets, Chromium and Non-flush Niacin.
6. Changed my personal care routine so that it is more achieveable for me energy-wise.
7. Taken time to indulge in creative/non-creative writing.
8. Changed my mum's view of cosmetic surgery.
9. Focused on positive thoughts.
10. Gone to bed early.
Plans for the future:
1. Read my books about PCOS.
2. Spend more time doing my hobbies: piano, creative writing, painting.
3. Start the KLC (www.klc.co.uk) Diploma in Interior Design.
4. Keep up with my weightloss programme and acknowledge the positive impact that losing weight and keeping my blood-sugar levels stabalised has on my mental and physical state.
5. Do the things my sister asked me to do for her wedding AND be somewhat enthusiastic about it!
6. Get cosmetic surgery!!
7. Get married.
8. Go to bed before 11 p.m. instead of hanging around watching TV on the sofa.
9. Try to focus on happy thoughts instead of my pain.
10. Spend less time worrying and more time 'doing'.
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