Anyway, yesterday I started off not too badly, but after a while I started feeling really depressed. I can't really say that anything started the depressed feeling off... *thinks*... nope I just started to feel down and so I thought I would apply some make-up and do my hair nicely. I thought I might as well because I decided that I was going to go out in the evening and so I made myself feel a little bit better by making myself look nice.

I half started tidying my room, but otherwise I didn't really do anything as I was trying to save my energy to go out.

The evening was actually better than I had thought it would be. It felt very odd to be in a room full of older women.. but then some younger ladies turned up and they did all their meeting blahness. The actual Encaustic Art demonstration and talk was really good. I will definitely be buying a kit and supplies from the guy who demonstrated it. You can see his site here. I think mum enjoyed going to it because it was only up the road from our house and she wouldn't go on her own... or I doubt she would so it gave her the opportunity to do something different. Maybe we will go again if they have another interesting talk going on.

Two things have been bothering me recently. One of them is my mum. Mum and I have a strange relationship due to my health problems. We are very close, but the fact we live in the same house and I never leave it (or very rarely) without her means that things can boil up a bit. Within the past few weeks she has been increasingly annoyed with me because I have been unable to contribute as fully as I normally would to the household. She gets angry at me when she sees me doing nothing and she feels like she is doing all the cooking, cleaning and washing etc. I guess it's because I always have helped as much as possible in the house. By the age of 12 or 13 I had learnt how to cook for my whole family and for a while I cooked the family's food every day. I also cleaned the bathrooms and helped in the general cleaning and did some washing etc. At the moment I find just keeping my room clean and tidy is enough! I still do some meals, but they are more convinience based.. salad and frozen foods. I also wash most of my clothes. Anyway, my mum just can't stand it when she is cleaning and cooking and I am not... so she keeps yelling at me and upsetting me. As if it's not bad enough that I am not feeling well... having her shouting at me is not helping.

Today I finally dusted and vacuumed my room. I stripped my bed and washed my sheets and re-made the bed. That combined with my shower and tidying up in the kitchen a bit made me very exhausted and took me the whole day!!!!

My sister came to stay for the night. I didn't even know she was coming until my mum randomly mentioned it this afternoon. Her and the fiance have bought a new house down south, so it seems they will be moving by the beginning of April.

The other thing that is bothering me is the feeling that I am standing still in life and everyone else is by-passing me. It's a feeling that niggles at me from time-to-time and I guess is more pronounced now I have stopped everything. I think it's easy to feel like this because all my friends and family are in the midst of work, moving, education and so on. I guess it comes back to what is your usefulness and what is your point in life. I am beginning to bring myself round to the idea that I do have some use in life... even though it may not have been what I was thinking of previously. I have come to the conclusion that I need to broaden my horizons and think beyond my own personal barriers... I am not even sure if that is possible, but I am willing to pursue this for a bit.