I feel as if facing up to my feelings that have been buried for years is like opening up a can of worms. Suddenly I am confronted with a big mess, even though it was there all the time... I never faced it because I didn't want to and I didn't have to. I also think that I was not ready to face that situation. Sometimes I am not even sure that I am ready now, but I will persevere.

I want to find myself or uncover myself from under all these layers. I feel I owe it to myself and also to my family and my partner. The problem is, I feel that when I am focusing on the *word removed* and my depression I tend to lose focus on other important areas of my life. If I struggle with the way I am feeling or the issues that I am dealing with, then it seems to cross over into my relationship with my partner and causes stress. I think that's why I really need to see a professional, so that I can take the burden off of him. On top of that my family are in no way equipped to deal with my emotional problems as neither of my parents knows about the *word removed*. Their attitude is that mental health problems are to be swept under the carpet and that I should 'suck it up' so to speak. So unfortunately it all falls onto my BF... and that's not healthy for our relationship....

I feel a loss of pride because I have always tried to keep myself to myself... the stiff upper lip and all that. I don't like him to see me in my most vulnerable moments and to witness my rollercoaster of emotions. I find it quite embarassing.

Moomoo