The best part about this, was that although it upset me, it didn't HURT me. It just made me ANGRY as hell and extremely FRUSTRATED. I ended up screaming my guts out at him and then going and watching Lost in my bedroom. This is the first time that I can recall being able to deal with him like that. Ok, most of you probably don't understand what I am going on about so I will try and explain...

My father and I don't really have a relationship to speak of... it's more of a "we happen to be related and live together" kind of thing. So, normally when we have an argument (not that frequent, but when it happens it's bad) I end up sad, upset, hurt... and so badly upset that I want to self-harm or kill myself. I think this is because I feel so angry and frustrated that I don't know how to release it and I also blame myself for the situations... when 99% of the time it is not my fault. I take on a lot of guilt and blame... in fact most of my actions have been coloured by these feelings. So to be able to be in that situation and have him being irrational, unreasonable, nasty and hurtful and yet, to not feel that I want to self-harm or kill myself is a MAJOR step.

I am numb about it and being that way feels good. I am not speaking to him either... which also feels good. I know that sounds petty, but I can't be bothered to waste my energy on someone who clearly thinks so lowly of me.

On to bigger and better things!