Now I have to be honest that I didn't really want to talk about it, but OH mentioned that I suffer from it and then she started asking me questions about it... so I didn't have much choice.

In the past, people asking me about M.E. would have filled me with extreme fear and anxiety. I know it sounds a litle strange, but I would panic because I would worry that I couldn't convey exactly how it feels so that people would understand. I felt like I was doing myself and other sufferers a dis-service by trying to explain how it feels and quite frankly, doing a crap job of it! I have always felt bogged down by the burden of being misunderstood... and that's been a really hard burden to bear at times. Constantly feeling the need to prove your (true) sickness and to almost justify your existence as a human being, is wearing and soul destroying. If I started talking about my personal experience of it then I would get really emotional and have the urge to cry or just fall to pieces.

So this time... when I was asked, I took a deep breath and although I felt the dread of having to talk about it, I felt strength where there was previously none. I talked about it from both a personal and impersonal point of view. I managed to talk slowly without rushing and to put my point across and you know, I also managed to not get upset when I felt that she didn't necessarily understand, that at the end of the day... even if she didn't understand... it didn't matter... because I know how I feel and I am now assured enough in myself that MY opinion matters over other people's opinions of me and what I am suffering from.

THAT F-ING ROCKS!!

So anyway, most of this weekend has been us (OH and I) lazing around, reading and watching TV. I need that! I need time by ourselves where we are not stressed and he is not working. I need time where I can relax and forget about problems, troubles and strife. My body really appreciates the physical and mental rest... I can feel it sigh with relief.

Then every so often my mind momentarily flits to the doctor's appointment on Tuesday. I am not worried per se, but I know that by the time I get in the surgery I will be feeling anxious. I don't like doctors and I have never felt any support or understanding from them so I tend to approach these situations with a slightly biased and clouded mind. It's hard to feel comfortable about going to see one, when I have had so many negative experiences in the past. I need to write down what exactly I hope to gain from this appointment so I don't look like a frightened rabbit caught in the headlights when he asks me what's wrong.

That's all really.